The two situations are described below:
It was summertime in Florida in 1996, my sister and I were outside playing croquet. My dad had the garage open, cleaning the yard and my mom was inside cooking a summer meal. I was joyful, laughing, running around in our year with three trees strategically planted similar to a baseball field home, 1st and 2nd place positions. My sister and I just finished playing birdie and we were going for the croquet sticks. I positioned myself, lifted the stick and hurt a loud cry. I didn’t notice my sister was no longer next to me but behind me and I hit her square in the eye with a croquet stick. I her eye turned black and blue in a matter of hours. I was very sympathetic unaware of my surroundings, how could’ve seen her. Reeling back the situation in my head, I recall looking down, not over and around. Since then, in a team based situation, I not only look at what I’m doing but what others are doing. If I can’t see an alignment with the group, then I will make mention of it improving my communication. Occasionally, I would go along with the team, and discount my own concerns but that in the end, causes me to loss confidence in my credibility. I've learn to be more selective in a team environment choosing what demand from the team and not demand, usually taking the role of coordinating meetings, topics, deadlines, etc.
This next experience, I wish to never experience again, since I’m in my child bearing years without children, I could never think I would let anyone get the best of me until this situation happened. Two years ago, while at a women’s conference as an award recipient, I attended a banquet along people apart of different divisions at my current employer. Before getting into the banquet, I didn’t know anyone, arrive one day before the event, I explored the city of Detroit on my own fearless, and ambition to see as much as I can. Attended a Motown tour and took a photo with an original Motown singer, then attending the African American Museum and was overcome with emotion hauling me from completing the entire walk-through in the slave ship exhibit. The next day, it was time to attend presentation, befriending people till this today, I still keep in contact with a few. Back to the banquet, where I was to receive my award, a man who held on tight to his title as a fellow for my current employer was talking to another person I happened to befriend about getting into his position. She kept acknowledging me as she grew tired of the conversation with him with only 4 out of 6 people at the table yet and we haven’t started. Then he posed a question to the table, asking how much does the company current CEO make? I answered probably 400K. He was gloating in gratification of how off my number was, reacting saying what like 4 times like a snot nose bully on a play ground. He teased at how low my number was causing me to retreat into my emotions, picking at myself. I felt my eyes tearing up for a cry, and I turned away sucking in my emotions, telling myself not here! By now, my friend who had a wide eye expression turned to me, was like are you okay? I shook my head yes and got angry with him (and still with my self for not thinking through my answer, honestly I was just a guess) by then others had joined the table, and I didn’t want to make a scene, one was a new VP. I was making a mental note of who to avoid when back at work due to this situation. What I jerk, I thought? Then I noticed how out of touch I was, I thought my salary was something to work hard for but then I thought maybe I’m being fooled. The man commented after his chuckle that he makes close the amount I guessed. I knew at that moment, my actions wasn't about the money. Sadly, I learned a thing or two from this man, that you should know about your money, make note about the total amount of contracts you work on, but at the expense of my feelings.
Even as an engineer by degree, I struggle with basic finances. I don’t play guessing games who make what, it wasn’t of interest to me. Ask me about how to fix this situation is something of more interest. I knew then to climb the corporate ladder you need some help increasing my self knowledge. Out of that conference, people told me that I needed a mentor. Till this day, I don’t have one, and had lighter guilt of not having one. but I lean more on people who know may work to put in a good word for me and getting with the right people because to work in my current job you need team support. People also like to inquire about your personal life but I chose not be that intimate at work but I do indulge just enough to keep them talking about theirs. I learned I have to have a closer intimate relationship with my self to know what I'm satisfied with doing and what I'm not. I have started to keep track of the cost of the projects I manage but have yet to present that information in my resume. This brings me to appreciate that it’s nice to accumulate wealth, but when my heart is not in it, where is the satisfaction from having the wealth.
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