As I reflect on the readings for the week, the chapter on body languages I learned from McKay, Davis & Fanning (2009) that the key to nonverbal communication is congruence (p. 60). I can recall times as a customer dealing with a business that didn’t appreciate the business after unsuccessfully securing the business. There was a time when I was in a large retail store in the mall, and the cosmetic counter was barely crowded, and as I walked through the sales associated motioned me to some of the products on the self. Her body language seemed open enough for me to entertain the sell but decided to think on it and come back. When I came back she was helping someone else, and she glanced over to me, moving away as if I was walking away from her. I ended up buying the perfume with another sales associate, and after that situation I realized my gestures may had said the opposite of my intentions.
My normal speech behavior is to move my arms when I talk with facial expressions. My arm moves away from my body, and when sitting in a meeting I will cross and uncross my legs to get comfortable. I noticed in meetings that I speak in into my posture and breath changes to a bend to a fast breathing because usually I’m nervous or I convinced myself I didn’t say enough so my heart speeds up until I speak again then it slows down.
In regards to paralanguage and meta-messaging, I recall when speaking in a meetings I used volume modulation and monitored the tone and resonance. In a recent meeting, I had to present a report in front of 60 people and I looked to see if the mic was on, and saw the button green which I thought meant on. As I communicated into the mic, I noticed my volume didn’t change so I increased the pitch of my voice moving away from the mic. Once I did that, people were telling me they couldn’t hear me. My confidence was little lowered then I took a few seconds to push the mic which I believe didn’t increase my volume but I steadily kept my pitch. In the same environment, I have heard others get up and speak mentioning they don’t need a mic because they can project. I would like to think I’m on of those people but my normal voice is quieter then it is loud.
This situations above reflect after or during the situation happen to notice body movements and vocal changes that impacted how I personally felt. In some scenarios I felt directly responsible for incongruent message, one during one of my training session. I asked a technical group to speak to a non-technical group about how they impact each other. I passed over a few questions made mention to them these were questions we all came up with, which in fact it was just me. I had a hidden agenda to get clarification for some of the concerns I had with the group. A few days before the training, I sent a reminder message and then on the day they group came. I had a full training room of people and to kick it off, the technical group asked if I had anything to share. I was confused because I made mention just earlier they can show anything, which is what usually happens. Presenters would make their own presentations, with me saying the are free to bring anything. In order to avoid losing time, I shared my email conversation with the group and they picked up explaining a little about themselves leading an open discussion.
Afterwards, I engaged with co-workers on some meta-messaging trying to read their reactions. I said, “ I guess, that went well for the most part” and reactions would be “it was okay, I don’t usually deal with the group” and “this was a little too technical”. After analyzing the comments, I felt I should be clear to speaker letting them know about the atmosphere before being questioned in front of an audience, seemly unprepared (how I felt).
These readings made me more aware of the non-verbal and verbal messaging. I plan to use more body movements congruently with non-verbal messages being aware of my appearance and expressions. To be a powerful communicator, being aware paralanguage and meta-messages are necessary to be engage with my internal state. Self-control is necessary for congruent messages even when something doesn’t turn out as expected, learn from it to improve future messaging.
Reference:
McKay, M., Davis, M., & Fanning, P. (2009). Messages, the communication book. Oakland, CA:
New Harbinger Publications.
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