Non-Verbal and Verbal Messages

As I reflect on the readings for the week, the chapter on body languages I learned from McKay, Davis & Fanning (2009) that the key to nonverbal communication is congruence (p. 60). I can recall times as a customer dealing with a business that didn’t appreciate the business after unsuccessfully securing the business. There was a time when I was in a large retail store in the mall, and the cosmetic counter was barely crowded, and as I walked through the sales associated motioned me to some of the products on the self. Her body language seemed open enough for me to entertain the sell but decided to think on it and come back. When I came back she was helping someone else, and she glanced over to me, moving away as if I was walking away from her. I ended up buying the perfume with another sales associate, and after that situation I realized my gestures may had said the opposite of my intentions. 

My normal speech behavior is to move my arms when I talk with facial expressions. My arm moves away from my body, and when sitting in a meeting I will cross and uncross my legs to get comfortable. I noticed in meetings that I speak  in into my posture and breath changes to a bend to a fast breathing because usually I’m nervous or I convinced myself I didn’t say enough so my heart speeds up until I speak again then it slows down. 

In regards to paralanguage and meta-messaging, I recall when speaking in a meetings I used volume modulation and monitored the tone and resonance. In a recent meeting, I had to present a report in front of 60 people and I looked to see if the mic was on, and saw the button green which I thought meant on. As I communicated into the mic, I noticed my volume didn’t change so I increased the pitch of my voice moving away from the mic. Once I did that, people were telling me they couldn’t hear me. My confidence was little lowered then I took a few seconds to push the mic which I believe didn’t increase my volume but I steadily kept my pitch. In the same environment, I have heard others get up and speak mentioning they don’t need a mic because they can project. I would like to think I’m on of those people but my normal voice is quieter then it is loud. 

This situations above reflect after or during the situation happen to notice body movements and vocal changes that impacted how I personally felt. In some scenarios I felt directly responsible for incongruent message, one during one of my training session. I asked a technical group to speak to a non-technical group about how they impact each other. I passed over a few questions made mention to them these were questions we all came up with, which in fact it was just me. I had a hidden agenda to get clarification for some of the concerns I had with the group. A few days before the training, I sent a reminder message and then on the day they group came. I had a full training room of people and to kick it off, the technical group asked if I had anything to share. I was confused because I made mention just earlier they can show anything, which is what usually happens. Presenters would make their own presentations, with me saying the are free to bring anything. In order to avoid losing time, I shared my email conversation with the group and they picked up explaining a little about themselves leading an open discussion. 

Afterwards, I engaged with co-workers on some meta-messaging trying to read their reactions. I said, “ I guess, that went well for the most part” and reactions would be “it was okay, I don’t usually deal with the group” and “this was a little too technical”. After analyzing the comments, I felt I should be clear to speaker letting them know about the atmosphere before being questioned in front of an audience, seemly unprepared (how I felt). 

These readings made me more aware of the non-verbal and verbal messaging. I plan to use more body movements congruently with non-verbal messages being aware of my appearance and expressions. To be a powerful communicator, being aware paralanguage and meta-messages are necessary to be engage with my internal state. Self-control is necessary for congruent messages even when something doesn’t turn out as expected, learn from it to improve future messaging.

Reference:

McKay, M., Davis, M., & Fanning, P. (2009). Messages, the communication book. Oakland, CA:

          New Harbinger Publications.

Two Situations Bring a new Perspective to a Team-based Environment

The two situations are described below:

It was summertime in Florida in 1996, my sister and I were outside playing croquet. My dad had the garage open, cleaning the yard and my mom was inside cooking a summer meal. I was joyful, laughing, running around in our year with three trees strategically planted similar to a baseball field home, 1st and 2nd place positions. My sister and I just finished playing birdie and we were going for the croquet sticks. I positioned myself, lifted the stick and hurt a loud cry. I didn’t notice my sister was no longer next to me but behind me and I hit her square in the eye with a croquet stick. I her eye turned black and blue in a matter of hours. I was very sympathetic unaware of my surroundings, how could’ve seen her. Reeling back the situation in my head, I recall looking down, not over and around. Since then, in a team based situation, I not only look at what I’m doing but what others are doing. If I can’t see an alignment with the group, then I will make mention of it improving my communication. Occasionally, I would go along with the team, and discount my own concerns but that in the end, causes me to loss confidence in my credibility. I've learn to be more selective in a team environment choosing what demand from the team and not demand, usually taking the role of coordinating meetings, topics, deadlines, etc. 

This next experience, I wish to never experience again, since I’m in my child bearing years without children, I could never think I would let anyone get the best of me until this situation happened. Two years ago, while at a women’s conference as an award recipient, I attended a banquet along people apart of different divisions at my current employer. Before getting into the banquet, I didn’t know anyone, arrive one day before the event, I explored the city of Detroit on my own fearless, and ambition to see as much as I can. Attended a Motown tour and took a photo with an original Motown singer, then attending the African American Museum and was overcome with emotion hauling me from completing the entire walk-through in the slave ship exhibit. The next day, it was time to attend presentation, befriending people till this today, I still keep in contact with a few. Back to the banquet, where I was to receive my award, a man who held on tight to his title as a fellow for my current employer was talking to another person I happened to befriend about getting into his position. She kept acknowledging me as she grew tired of the conversation with him with only 4 out of 6 people at the table yet and we haven’t started. Then he posed a question to the table, asking how much does the company current  CEO make? I answered probably 400K. He was gloating in gratification of how off my number was, reacting saying what like 4 times like a snot nose bully on a play ground. He teased at how low my number was causing me to retreat into my emotions, picking at myself. I felt my eyes tearing up for a cry, and I turned away sucking in my emotions, telling myself not here! By now, my friend who had a wide eye expression turned to me, was like are you okay? I shook my head yes and got angry with him (and still with my self for not thinking through my answer, honestly I was just a guess) by then others had joined the table, and I didn’t want to make a scene, one was a new VP. I was making a mental note of who to avoid when back at work due to this situation. What I jerk, I thought? Then I noticed how out of touch I was, I thought my salary was something to work hard for but then I thought maybe I’m being fooled. The man commented after his chuckle that he makes close the amount I guessed. I knew at that moment, my actions wasn't about the money. Sadly, I learned a thing or two from this man, that you should know about your money, make note about the total amount of contracts you work on, but at the expense of my feelings.

Even as an engineer by degree, I struggle with basic finances. I don’t play guessing games who make what, it wasn’t of interest to me. Ask me about how to fix this situation is something of more interest. I knew then to climb the corporate ladder you need some help increasing my self knowledge. Out of that conference, people told me that I needed a mentor. Till this day, I don’t have one, and had lighter guilt of not having one. but I lean more on people who know may work to put in a good word for me and getting with the right people because to work in my current job you need team support. People also like to inquire about your personal life but I chose not be that intimate at work but I do indulge just enough to keep them talking about theirs. I learned I have to have a closer intimate relationship with my self to know what I'm satisfied with doing and what I'm not. I have started to keep track of the cost of the projects I manage but have yet to present that information in my resume. This brings me to appreciate that it’s nice to accumulate wealth, but when my heart is not in it, where is the satisfaction from having the wealth.  

The Single Story

Adichie (2009) profound statement was “ the single story creates stereotypes, and the problem with stereotypes is that there are not untrue, but they are incomplete”. “ They make the one story become the only story” (12:50-13:22). I learned in this module according to Denning (2011), negative stories get people’s attention but they don’t spark action (p. 77). They action comes from a positive story that shows the way forward (Denning, 2011, p. 77). I feel listening to Adichie I was able to get her complete story, even though, I believe if every interaction with someone is structure they way Adichie gave her story, we wouldn’t have a problem with the danger of a single story. Timing gets the best of us, when we could have only a brief moment to convey our point of view for another to digest and understand completely. However, inspired by Adichie's presentation to make emotional connections with her story inspired me to look for the elements of springboard story. For one the protagonist is her growing up and experiences with those misunderstanding her culture. Her story inspired imagination from the audience of a time assumptions were made verbally or non-verbally that require correction.

Adichie made reference to misunderstanding of Africa as a country on a recent flight, a statement that requires the audience to fully embody the idea, as Denning (2011) proposed get the audience to embrace the larger idea in their narrative imagination (p. 68). For me it was not just the misunderstanding of the word country but also understanding the opposing view, in order words, why is there a single story? Adichie explained the alternative as if she grew up in the USA, witnessing the images of African animals, people, and environment, she could see the reason for the single story rooted deep in western history. 

Adichie stories were minimal. Denning (2011) stated what makes the minimalist story so powerful is that it resolves a fundamental paradox of transformation (p. 71). Adichie transformation was personal recognizing she too bought into the single story as visiting Mexico and viewing Mexicans as immigrants. A little vulnerability is necessary in storytelling as Denning (2011) wrote participants must undergo a kind of identity transition, and the transformations must proceed with some central direction, ultimately individuals must make this decision for themselves (p. 71). 

Adichie (2009) discusses power; “stories are defined by how the are told, who tells them, how many are told, really depend on power “(9:50). Contextual meaning of a story can depend on the start of the story. Adichie explains that an audience member thought of all Nigerian men as presented by a character in her novel and she replied with the depiction of the American Psycho, in a bit of mild humor. Adichie then discusses she had a happy childhood, however there were negative ones such as death in the family, rising cause of groceries, but to focus on the negative overlooks the other stories. This reminded me that negative stories alone may depict a single view. If we all possessed the same life experiences, doing that would simply be a matter of choosing the right words based on our own perspective (Garside & Kleiner,1991, p. 25). Adichie (2009) expressed “the consequence of the single story is this, it robs people of their dignity, it makes our recognition of our equal humanity difficult, and it emphasis how we are different rather than how we are similar” (13:49-14:03).

Adichie ends with stories matter, negative and positive to empower and repair dignity. Engaging in story telling, I want to show how my self was formed overtime as discussed by Whalen & Ricca (2007), the brain is essentially blank at birth (p. 34). In the progress of reading another self help book, I found the author, a clinical therapist, Jay (2012) express the same sentiments of the brain. In the first 18 months of life the brain experience its first growth spurt, producing far more neurons then it can use (Jay, 2012, p.123). The infant brain over prepares reading itself for whatever life bring such as to speak any language within earshot (Jay, 2012, p.123). This is how we go from one year olds who understand fewer than 100 words being six years old who know more than ten thousand (Jay, 2012, p. 123). Across years, the brain keeps the neurons and connections that are used while these that are neglected are pruned or allowed to die off (Jay, 2012, p.123).

The only way your mind can connect with the world is through sensory organs (Whalen & Ricca, 2007, p. 36). I want to learn how to to be an effective storyteller including a bit of sensory memory in stories and professional emotion management to not incite fear. Effective storytellers are confident much like Adichie describing the ramifications of the single story. I have to be an active listener assessing my listening blocks and listen with openness first to the message I’m trying to convey for the audience to listen. I want the audience to remember parts of the story that are enthusiastic and encourage change. I learned from this module ways to minimize my stories to create impact, how it could be persuasive (example of the single story), and the importance of sensory messages. 

Denning, S. (2011). The Leader's Guide to Storytelling: Mastering the Art and Discipline of Business Narrative. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.

Garside, S. G., & Kleiner, B. H. (1991). Effective one-to-one communication skills. Industrial and Commercial Training, 23(7), 24. Retrieved from http://search.proquest.com.ezproxy.libproxy.db.erau.edu/docview/214110116?accountid=27203

Jay, M. (2012). The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties matter and How to Make the most of them now. New York: Twelve.

TEDTalks: Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie--The danger of a single story[Motion picture on Online Video]. (2009). TED.

Whalen, D. J., & Ricca, T. M. (2007). The professional communications toolkit. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications.

Common Story

A common story told in my organization varies about the reasons why our 

work location does have windows. The threat of espionage was real. Unspoken things have happened from people propelling themselves from the roof to sneak a peek in the facility and having send spies to work to collect classified data. The common theme is to be careful where you go, who you talk to and who you share information with.

Each year, all employees are required to complete compliance training. Training covers the basics to avoid legal issues. Employees are also required to complete ethics training, given scenarios to demonstrate how something can quickly escalate into improper disclosure of information. This doesn’t describe “who we are” but it does describe “what we stand for”. The patent on some stealth technology is highly guarded along with some future top secret projects. The promise the organization makes is to always remember who they are working for. 

The story of spies around us promotes goals and ideals of the organization to protect the interest of the customer. This also promotes integrity and encouraging employees to follow proper protocols as necessary. It’s not so much as being paranoid, for example, which at first I thought was a little extreme to be told during orientation not to provided much information on public profiles that can make you an easy target. The consider was the vulnerability that work secrets would be shared unknowingly, therefore, each employee must identify some of the signs to avoid oversharing. 

In the recent years, the organization has shifted to include people to find ways to improve the business. For example, being more transparent (leaders meeting with employees on a consistent basis), developing peer to peer acknowledgment forum (to boost employee morale) and having a employee suggestion system. Current redesign in the organization has manager communicating to employees if you have a problem you must also have a solution. Cost, quality and efficiency are terms heavily used, and when pursuing a solution, a popular path to take are initiating improvement projects.

Most of these projects, dubbed structured improvement activities, encourage multi-function team participation but are lately ineffective due to lack of sustaining interest to continuously improve. There are very few employees who will assume some of the propose task working as an equal, but most are comfortable with doing less than more task. There have been times I witnessed managers ask for a report from another group and doesn’t hold the group accountable to meeting manager’s request. Instead, the manager will spend days to pulling the same report because they can do it better themselves. On the other hand, when that same manager gets a request from the same group to fill in their report, he gives them what they ask for or face his management, in addition to losing support from the group (providing reports even if it’s the groups job to do so). I was told if we don’t have issues we wouldn't be here working.

There is a lot of information exchange done on a daily basis. Some prefer to do it themselves so they can be the only person liable in case something goes wrong, even if time consuming. Data integrity is important and a critical focus as the company starts to measure and given incentives for performance. Some managers prefer to control the amount of data but must comply with the organizational rules to protect information and to be aware of suspicious activities.