Most of us are taught at a young age not to speak to strangers or "Stranger Danger". As kids, we are sold this one single narrative that all strangers were to be avoided. One parent stated in her blog, “why I let my kids talk to strangers”, I'm saddened by my own inability to recognize the good in people around me and later stated she not suggesting have kids wander in the street, but I do try to allow him to greet the world with uncorrupted enthusiasm (para. 11). Without a doubt, there is danger in the world, but a fear of strangers is a danger in itself to personal development and growth.
Widdicks (2015) found research has shown that only about one-hundredth of one percent of child abductions occur at the hands of a strange (Widdicks, 2015, para. 12). r. For example, it is more likely that my son will be struck by lightning while talking to the fisherman in our neighborhood than to be kidnapped by him (Widdicks, 2015, para. 12). This unfortunate scenario to the one-hundredth does happen in the world today but for us to analyze how we can improve our connection with others we can first analyze what we say to ourselves.
McKay, Davis & Fanning (2009), suggested to make a commitment to yourself to use descriptive rather than negative label in your internal monologues (p. 206). For example, I try to be more descriptive when someone as me to describe another person rather than defaulting to the common characteristics that could be anybody, such as black, white, short or tall, to challenge myself. I credit my parents for my approach when meeting strangers, and its not like they choose to meet them, its as if they are good neighbors.
My mom recently taught during children’s church, defining a neighbor, a good samaritans and a christian. As a teacher for most of her life, the easy of conversation was natural, and event everywhere. We would go into a store and pasting by may be a young or old person and we happen to make eye contact with them, with an offer of a smile and greeting to say “how are you doing today”.
In my childhood, up to my adulthood now, I’ve been involved in activities were it was only natural to meet people to execute the activities, and depending on the mood, I would make a comedic expression or start off with making fun of myself and then asking basic questions about a person.
I practice the art of conversation before asking information questions, lightly prying but not too much because the question is if I choose to see someone again, will the outcome be different? It’s easy for me to talk to a stranger because they don’t yet know me personally, and sometimes sharing information with them is easier than with those you’ve known for a while.
I learned about myself over the years that I prefer to not work the room with a lots of people because I’m a bit shy. For example, family from up North were in a room, relaxing and talking about there family, they drove down with.
I came in the room, said aloud “hey everyone”, and introduced myself, then 20 mins went by, I didn’t say a word, just gestured with a smile or laugh. This scene is all to familiar when I’m in a room with more than three people, I don’t really know too well. Reading McKay, Davis & Fanning (2009), I would have to say some of it comes from a concern of rejecting, my humor or my personality, I don’t really show my true colors until I’m comfortable, and I’m more comfortable as a friend instead of someone that is attracted to someone else.
I recall a time, I was attracted to this athlete and my friends helped me get his number and then call him but opposite of what he said he would do, he never called me. I assumed it was me because I wasn’t an athlete, after weeks later he started dating another athlete. My friends confronted him a little but I was find with the conclusion that we will just never be around each other. To this day, I don’t really have high expectations meeting strangers, because I’m comfortable with the ones I have became friends in my life. One of my college friends told me “ I don’t need any more friends” in conversation. I thought thats absurd but now going on 3 years later I find myself saying the same thing as more distance grows between my friends and I, such as them having families, spending less time trying to come together as friends, priorities have shifted to surviving addressing their immediate needs.
I look for ways to bring back the, “let’s hang out as friends” vibe despite the fact, we have personal relationships that flourish without our friends present. I must the abandon the attitude of not wanting friends, to just making contact with those around me, so that McKay, Davis & Fanning (2009), other will feel your genuine interest (p. 209). I want to be able to “work the room with ease” not concern whether I appear to be awkward or not around others, or accepting my personality.
This is something kids in school struggle with on a daily basis to be accepted and it continues when they are looking for a job, managing their way through the atmosphere of gossip and work culture to try an fit in. People may get discouraged in an interview when told they don’t quite fit in, but as a leader mastering the art of conversation, you wouldn’t have to worry about fitting in, because you analyze and respond for everything to fit around you. This may sound selfish, but internalizing your thoughts will allow you to interpret them and overcome fears. For me, I’m not a very expressive person when it comes to my feelings about something or over affectionate, but I’m very expressive when it comes to sharing my thoughts about things such as incidents in popular media. I take a rationale approach to make such as I don’t see the need in killing animals when they are in their natural habitat, they are just trying to survive. In todays world, more people are avoiding strange suspicion behavior, and not too concerned about stranger as long as they appear to be doing the something similar to what they are doing, especially when trouble occurs the reaction you hear sometimes “they were just going to work”. If we can reframe how we look at strangers, then we are able to change our approach and make contact with those who we don’t know until later may have a great impact in our lives.
Analyzing your approach to make contact with others benefits you and the person you are approaching. If we are able to recognize the good in the midst of the inevitable that bad things (i.e death, lost of property, unexpected life alternating) may happen, we will try to improve our connections with others to emphasis the good (i.e new life, fresh start, on the path of making dreams a reality) and drown out the bad. The lessons I take from Making contact the others is reviewing what you say to yourself, reframing and planning rejection, and making a satisfying contact through the art of conversation using methods discussed in the text. I plan to offer past friends an opportunity to rekindle friendship, knowing that I will not get 100% support, build family relationships as many of those who retired seem to have the same thoughts to enjoy life, something I would hope other recognize while working night and day and meeting others without assuming a good conversation will not be the end result, including a new relationship.
McKay, M., Davis, M., & Fanning, P. (2009). Messages, the communication book. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications.
Widdicks, M. (2015). Why I let my kids talk to strangers. Washington: WP Company LLC d/b/a The Washington Post.
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